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How To Achieve Harmonious Relationship?


Are you reacting or responding? No one wins in any verbal or physical fight, when both parties begin to throw each other invective words and hurting statements or when both engage in a physical fight, because both are reacting to their present circumstance. But when the other party begins to pause for a while and begin to think and use the mind rather than the emotion, that person is responding by reacting favorably to himself/herself and in the end, the responding person wins. Then harmonious relationship can be achieved.

Seek ye the path of no resistance. Go for the harmony.

I trained under different disciplines of martial arts such as Karate, Stick fighting (Arnis De Mano) and Aikido. Karate and Arnis are both aggressive combative fighting where the only way to survive is by hitting the opponent really hard by going over and against the opponent’s fighting skills. Going that way will surely drain your energy in the end, win or lose. That way, you may win the battle but you’ll lose the war. On the other hand, Aikido is the most graceful form of all martial arts. In fact, it doesn’t require fighting stance in the first place because it is not designed to destroy your opponent by your own force or strength but by your opponents’ own strength. The best way to win the match is by staying relaxed but focused during the fight. Your goal is to win without resisting the opponents’ attack by leading their attacking hand or feet away from your body gracefully, making your opponents release their energy into the air. You defend yourself without taking any blow. Hence, draining the energy of the opponent. This way, you win both the battle and the war. aikido-1

We experience this analogy of martial arts in our lives many times over as the loser. Simply because we are conditioned to react and not respond properly to a given situation. For example, the lack of harmony in our family is often times caused by a member or members who react to things due to lack of understanding of the situation or present condition. If we can understand where the other party is coming from in an argument then, we can suspend our conclusion or judgment. In the end, we will be able to respond properly. People who reacts are usually people who are emotionally mature (with low emotional quotient) or people who are not proactive.

We have prejudices about the people we know, even about our loved ones. And you know what prejudice is- preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience. That preconceived opinion about others is a common cause of conflict in many relationships, even in our own family. If only that everyone in this world can change their attitude about one another, there will always be peace on earth. But it is not that easy to change.

If one wants to change, the first thing one must do is to change his own perception about himself. Neurologically, we react to people, event or things based on our perception about our own self. What we see within is what we see without. Ask yourself now, do you have respect for your boss or teacher or parents or authorities, espouse, siblings or neighbors? If you are sure that it is a yes then kudos, you truly is a man who value yourself as human being. If it is a no, then you already know the answer. In Mathew 7:2, the Bible says, For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Along with this here are some thoughts for us to ponder:

  • The 3 F’s: Forgive, Forgive, Forgive…
  • Exercise MEEKNESS all the time. But it doesn’t mean we are submissive to the discord and disorder, we are meek only to the law. We are meek when we don’t get angry or argue; when we stop resisting; when we don’t insist upon our right; when we are humble, righteous, teachable and patient.
  • The 3 L’s: Listen, Listen, Listen…
  • Ditch the pride.
  • Bless your opponents.
  • Do good to them that hate you.
  • Remove the opposition from your consciousness, work from your own mind.
  • Destroy your enemies by making them your friends.
  • Befriend your internal critique.
  • How are we going to be at that moment?
  • Keep our mind on the objectives and we will ultimately win reaching the goal.
  • We say we want abundance or good health or happy marriage or success in business or career. But anytime we are agreeing with conditions that are difficult, or talk about poverty or any past negative experiences, we actually are creating resistance to the very thing we want.
  • When Jesus healed the sick, he never agreed that sickness was present in the person who was sick. He did not even agreed that Lazarus or the child were already dead so miracle could happen. It is simply a typical proof of being nonresistant.
  • Work with and for that which we want, not over and against what we want.
  • Setting up a resistance barred the way of our good coming into us.
  • How to open up the floodgates of blessings?… By being in agreement with all that is prosperous.
  • Water is a non-resistant element. Be like it- Adaptable to changes; Can fit it in any situation or condition; Free flowing.
  • Learn to relax and let it flow freely.
  • The 3 R’s: Respond, Respond, Respond…

Reprogram your mind by developing the habit of pondering on good thoughts that can develop you as a person. A simple do-it-yourself NLP can help you change. Changes begin from taking small steps.

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